swollen summer

the 'holidays' finally came along. I'm not sure if they count as a proper holiday seeing as I'm expected to revise through most of it. Have done some, its just so dull! Luckily I only really have 3 subjects to revise and it's been so little time since the mocks that I know it all quite well.am looking on ebay for things to wear as part of my lady of shallot outfit. the party is a literary/historical character theme. being a red-head I've decided (provisionally) to go as a pre-raphellite. long flowing white skirt, bell sleeve white top. very pretty but perhaps a little too modest to be sexy? I went to that party i mentioned before. decided against the 'no drinking rule' and risked binging to have a good, tipsy time. I did start to stuff myself, but it a moment of dutch coroage I talked to a couple of my friends about my eating problems. after that i didn't feel like eating any more. they did all know afterall, and said they were sorry for talking to my parents. I felt all emotional, but luckily didn't cry. then everyone was really sweet and huggy and I love you no I love you I'm sorry no i'm sorry. Martha said i haven't gotten fat and I can eat what I want because it's my personality that counts not my weight. I wish it all sunk in.well, then i met this nice guy. I started talking to him, i'm not sure how it started. I'd had quite a bit to drink and was surprised that he seemed to want to go on talking to me. attention attention. well, we carried on chatting, turned out we're going to the same uni (probably). we carried on talking, moving in closer, I'm feeling confident from the drink (spent a lot of the evening carrying fround a bottle of champers) and thinking ooh go on be brave you could kiss him. we danced (yes, i danced and only felt a little bit stupid) and kissed and chatted some more, it was really sweet. a=I sat on his lap and he kept kinda stroking my tummy. I wanted to ask him why, can't he see how it sticks out, how horrible it is. but I didn't. tummy was happy to have someone show it some affection. then he asked me for my number. heres where the dilema is. I haven't heard from him and it's been over a week. did i get my number wrong in my drunken stupour or did he wake up and have a flash of cosciousness.or reminded by a less drunk person. ahh.this sounds so niave and inexperienced. I'm quite shy and wall-flower-esque, i'm not used to this.well, he might be at this costume party so i want to be dressed nicely. look at me, taking an interest in my appearance. i guess this is healthy.I went to an openday where we got to stay overnight. we all went to the college bar, drank snakebites (mm) and did kareoke, lots of drunken fun. its so libearting to meet new people, I feel like I become someone new aswell. the uni was nice but I think I'd prefer a city.so now I'm 'revising'. My grandfather's been taken into hospital for kidney problems. then he had a stroke and now he can't speak. it's scary, i know old people can't live forever but I wish they would. It isn't fair, how will me grandmother manage alone? why do things like this happen to the good people? I feel guilty for taking up so much space.