making the change

I'm on the verge, on the verge of making the change. On one side it seems that I can work at losing weight, continue to worry about it in my old way. or i could start to live, go out more, be more. I want to be so much more. So I think this is where I make the change, choose life so to say. It will be so hard to give upand accept my body but maybe i can go back to 'normal' and be like other people. I had a family session today, they asked my dad about his weight, I didn;t want to say anything insulting. We must look a strnage pair. I ws in a bit of a bad state because I'd ended up binging at home, then on the way to and at school. that sounds so stupid, so stupid to be so out of control. I even threw up at school (not deliberately), I've never properly done that before. Then i threw up again at the hospital. I didn't mean to but it helped me to calm down. oh, my poor little teeth.My mood's been greatly lifted by **********************************edit I don't know if drinking will reduce the effects, hope not. At the weekend I'm going to my first proper party in ages. There may be lots of people there. hello nervous shyness. there will be party food there. hello binge trigger. shy->drink->drunk->reduced inhibitions->binge->puke->here we go again.I need to try really hard. i'd really like to meet some new people, I've been getting quite isolated. the cowardly thing would be not to go. won't let that happen.I shall stand proud in my black lace and lucky pants. maybe proud is an overstatement. Will try to wear something that covers my tummy. Maybe I could try not to drink too much (but it makes me brave...). Might be going market shopping with my family during the day. am not gre