weekend of debauchery

my oh my oh myI feel about a hundred years old.So, saturday was that day that comes once a year when we celebrate St George, Shakespeare, this year the exodus and my coming of age.I'm celebrating freedom.I woke up very early in the morning, the doorbell's shrill calling and flowers just for me! I've never been sent flowers, they were such beautiful dark red roses they almost made me want to cry. Usually on birthdays I've picked all my presents about a month in advance so there's no excitement. But this year it was all surprises. I got a patterned tent (don't laugh, i have uses for it), its flowery and I will be the belle of the ball this year at reading. also got tickets to guys and dolls where I get to see the rather delicious ewan mcgregor perform. fanatastic. I could go on listing gifts but is it really that interesting? If you want to know more (you have insomnia and need something to occupy you) ask. My brother and I went on a triumphant stroll to the off-license. it was a bit of an anticlimax as they didn't id me. rats. We also spent ages in the party shop trying on different masks. he's turning into a boy i'm very proud to call my brother. he got 3! I got one plus new wings for me to fly in. It was seder night (that's the celebration first night of passover week) so i had my family over. it was somewhat depleted with my keates and kipling quoting grandfather in hospital and guitar girlie rachel on a d of e camp out. I'd helped with the cooking and we sat down to do the service. this involves doing some readings, prayers, songs and symbolism before tucking into a yeast-free diner. They made the strangest cake, it sunk and was incredibly skinny. a waif of a cake. My gal-pals (oh, i must never use that phrase again) came over to dress up. We went to a shakespearean theme club night up in londinium. I tugged on my stocking, tutu, cloak, eyeliner, evening gloves and top hat, set my wings then was ready to go. my baby brother let me put some eyeliner on him, he looked really good. got there quite early and made jokes about the pub next door that i am surely too old to find funny. little boy got in fine, he was masked up and I just walzed in and said 'I'm paying for the donkey'. which made everyone laugh. I got copious free drinks and kisses a-plenty. very loevly. I danced my little socks off, and had my first ever absinthe. reminds me of gaviscon. thats a good thing, i like my aniseed. everyone was so pretty, It was pretty much impossible to tell who was gay or straight, sometimes even male or female. beautiful, I was in rapture. I came with a midsummer night's dream clique, a puck (I like....pucking), 2 bottoms, a peaseblossom, juliet and a fool. i was cobweb. if cobweb wore a top hat. felt a little intimidated by some others, i really wanted to talk to everyone and tell them how fabulous they looked but the wallflower in me got scared. I met a pirate, a romeo, a caesar, another puck and a julia from brideshead. atleast that's what she was to me. what a gorgeous night, kit and lived up to our dancewhore reputation. we almost found hamlet. almost. better luck next time. The next day i threw a drunken picnic. lots of asti and rose, blankets, music, my friends. we lay around, very chilled, cute fun. more flowers. all sweet.Now I'm actually having to work, i had 2 tests today! I feel most hard done by. my oh my I am so very old.ps there is a photo of me here on my bday here : http://www.glam-ou-rama.co.uk/gallery_cats_view.asp?catid=1032 can you spot me? rate nicely xx

Sehnsucht

tear the petals off of you....So today is my last day of being a child. I feel that I should have gone to the park or got out my old teddy bears, maybe watched some disney. It was come-as-a-childhood-literary-character day at school, all the little girls dressed as faeries, puss in books, witches and a couple of brilliant cat-in-the-cats. made my day. I feel that I am ready to grow up now, I've made my peace. seriously, I don't feel any hate or anger towards anyone (maybe with the exception of hitler but he never said sorry to me so I don't see why i should forgive him), I feel more in control of everything, ready to go forward. I've got a path and ambitions, I feel like I'm going somehwere. like a pheonix, rising out of the ashes!Today was so beautiful, i sat at the bus stop and watched the wind rain down pink petals, floating like snow, gathering in piles like a wedding day. it was warm and sunny but not enough for me to worry about getting burnt. I was going over to meet my grandmother's neighbour. She's a psycho-physiologist. We went for a walk with her little daughter and she told me about her career and qualifications. It involves things like sleep, stress, nutrition, she gives seminars and helps people out, advice on getting the most out of life, energy etc.She was very helpful, and she said I'd make a good psychologist because I'm a good listener. whta lovely thing to say. I met her cute little daughter too. Went to see my grandmother afterwards. She was also very nice, thoguh I find it owrrying how old and frail she seems to look now. She's recently got asthma. She asked me how I was feeling and I said i felt much better. she asked if I'd put on any weight, which i think wsn't very tactful on her part. i like to think that she said it because it wasn't that obvious. Her neighbour said i was very slim, which was nice. i think I'm getting more perspective today. yesterday I felt sure that I wa morbidly obese. But today...well, i'm not as thin as I once was but I'm probably quite similar to other people. I think i am getting my period (sorry to gross anyone out). this is kinda significant, i haven't had one for a year and feel quite ambivalent with it. i guess when i get it that will be the point when I cease to be 'anorexic'. If there is any fairness I will not get my period back on my birthday. that's just not fair. It's passover tomorrow, we're burning the chamez(levened food eg bread) in a little bonfire. I went out to get the bitter herbs and the shank bone today. they wouldn't sell me just the bone, I had the pay to have the meat too. how silly. Got my brother a dragon fruit. forgetting all my beliefs about how its killing the planet to fly exotic fruit across the globe, it really reminds me of our trip to singapore. it looks so pretty. My pumpkin plant has grown leaves over the ground. yippee!I got my brother a donkey mask from the school costume cupboard. he's gonna be bottom and I'm gonna be cobweb from Midsummer night's dream at tomorrow's shaklespearean ball. we're even getting a taxi home, how very glamourous. we'll get all dolled up and go dancing. like the princesses.I have stuck to my eating plan today, no binges! I'm pleased. first time in a long long while. They have opened a restaurant for anorexics in berlin. is it just me or does that sound like a stupid idea?maybe I should make some new year's resolutions. hmm, might come back to thisI will be more spontaneous, braver, healthier, stronger, more loving, more caring, more aliveWho should I vote for?Your expected outcome:Liberal DemocratYour actual outcome: Labour 8Conservative -36 Liberal Democrat 60 UK Independence Party 4 Green 45You should vote: Liberal DemocratThe LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.Take the test at Who Should You Vote Forhow helpful!

envy

We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a "Wow! I wish I had that person's hair, eyes, money, relationship, toe nails, whatever."So tell me what about me makes you envy me (cheap-ass ego boost/comment whoring, I know), then post this in your LJ and see what makes me envious of you! Nicked from elven_queenhaha, you don't know me quite well enough. but this could be fun. envious of me, now thats a strange one...also here's the crucial question, can i get away with going out in hot pants? will i just look like a fat slut? I'll have a floaty dress coat with them so its not just them and a top.

double dare

whilst its fresh in my mind I'll just say yippee MCR are playing reading. I was just thinking about them as I washed my hair. its gonna be so much fun, me, my brother, a tent, skittle vodka, copious weed and shrooms, music music music, what an adventure. see me there!I saw my dietician in the pub yesterday, it was so strange. she's not supposed to have a life outside her job. or drink. all she can do is try and make me drink my milk. Back to the pub, well i did a very strange thing yesterday. do you remember the guy I met at the bus stop last week? well I was bored at work so I decided to txt him, my phone had buggered up and his last messages hadn't really worked. and he said he was getting a drink and did i want to drop by after work. and I was umming and erring. then i did something totally uncharacteristic. I called him! I do not call people I don't know well. It is scary. But I did it. And said I'd come out.*short intermission in which I loose my bankcard shiiiiiiit*Finally overcome terror and leave house. Get lost, he gives me wrong directions to the pub and we end up in different ones. Luckily a girl I know works in the pub I was at so I chatted and met the people she works with, not looking like I went to the pub on my own. Which would be a little pathetic. He turned up with a friend. The others think this is trange, meeting up with someone you don't really know. I felt like doing something spontaneous. He had a friend and we chatted. when I meet new people we seem to get onto very strange subjects. like interesting scars and encounters with wild animals. I lose on all accounts, i haven't done enough exciting things. But we all got on well, though I don't think I was attracted to them. I think they'd thought I was a bit older, said we'd go clubbing when i come of age.Which is this weekend by the way. if you love me you'll show it with lots of gifts: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/registry/397RRYIZERBFD/ref%3Dwl%5Fem%5Fto/202-5149247-8890209just kidding. its not about presents, i haven't really asked for anything. I have everything I need, more than i need. The best things I have you can't buy in a shop or wrap in a box. anyway. my family's coming over for the seder meal. it'll be the first passover without my grandfather. i don't know how it'll be, he usually lead. his jokes, little phrases, quoting keates and kipling, a gentleman's manners. 'if everyone got what they wanted we'd all be driving jaguars and have redheaded women'. I miss him. I hope he gets better, i'm not allowed to go see him in hospital. he doesn't want to be remembered that way. just how he was, alive. We're going clubbing. all my girls. guys are busy with other plans. ah, like pete says, fuck 'em. It'll be more fun all girly, getting glammed up in our glitter and furs. Its a rock'n'roll, glam rock retro pop kinda place with a shakespearean theme for saturday. sounds prrrrfect. I can drink, dance, giggle, sing. all that jazz. next day I'm having a joint birthday picnic, play games, sip champagne outta tea cups, lie about. sounds fun, very chilled. im enjoying inviting people.today i saw an assembley, it mentioned eco-ethical idea. like my plastic bag quest. I hate them!do you use plastic bags? stop it, reuse your old ones! I work in a shop and give them out all the day long. its destroying the planet, you selfish motherfuckers. anyway, thats the end of my rant.deary me, I've become quite the budding hippy. still not decided who to vote for. the end of the year it drawing close, i've got to really start working. or I'll fail everthing. but now doesn't feel like the right time, its time to be outside, running under the sun. free like the birds, falling to the floor like magnolia petals, turning in the wind.